The Road of Refinement

When I was little I dreamt of the day that I would be grown up and have a family of my own. I knew exactly what my husband would be like, all the qualities he would have. I knew that my kids would be good and that I would adore them. I even knew that we would have a home to call our own. What I didn’t know was all the trials we would have along the way. I also didn’t know, the blessings we were going to see while in those trials. Nor did I realize, how much we would be polished and refined as we involuntarily grew to be better.

Sometimes I feel arrogant when I think of all the times the Lord has blessed our family. We have a good life, with good people all around us.

In the beginning of Joel’s and my marriage we were the ideal “starving students”, not that we ever came close to starving, but that we were just starting out our new family while in school, we even brought kids into the picture before we were anywhere close to being established. We had hard times, but we also had amazing times and watched blessings pour down from above, onto our little family. Usually these blessing came to us through other people with generous hearts. My memories are full of times when others helped us through our struggles. I’ve never been a good receiver, I’m sure I’ve offended, because of how hard it is for me to receive things. However, each time my heart has been heavy with gratitude, as I recognized the sacrifice made for us. I couldn’t help but think about the other ways this money could have been used by the giver, and yet they chose to help us instead.

When the time came that our families financial burdens were freed, it was a great feeling! To be able to start our savings and no longer be weighed down financially. That stress was no longer going to be a part of our lives! After working hard to build up our savings, we decided it was time to move to a better neighborhood and into a home that we could live in for a long time. Our track record of moving every year was getting tiresome. We were excited about the idea of finely being able to settle somewhere and felt really good about this decision. Even though it wasn’t a perfect, easy road, it was a fun and exciting one.

A little over a month ago Joel was laid off from his job. We saw this coming as his company’s work became sparse and pay cuts were continually being made. Fortunately we had savings, however, the realization of the larger mortgage and how quickly the savings would evaporate, was valid. The beginning of this new trial was very overbearing for me. Probably Joel too, he just hid it well. I watched him sit behind the computer several hours each day, while applying for 100’s of jobs that did not call him for an interview. After many miserable days of continual lose of hope, I realized, I could not live this way anymore. I made myself see all the worse things that could happen to our family, this financial trial was highly preferred over those. I accepted, that if it did come to losing our home and all the effort and money we had put into it, we would still be a family and that is worth being happy for. Joel gave me strength as I watched him open his scriptures often to study and ponder them, I watched him spend several hours fasting and attending the temple in humility. After deciding to try to sell our home, incase a job doesn’t come soon. Joel’s been working hard at helping me organize and get our home ready to show it in a competitive market. I know deep down he wants to find a job that will allow him to provide for us, I’m sure it bothers him more than he shows, but he keeps his chin up while keeping himself busy doing good things. He has faith and hope and points out the blessing of humility, during these humble times.

I can’t express all the gratitude we have for others that have once again helped us or wanted to help us. Some have generously helped us without giving us a chance to refuse and others have expressed interest in helping us, but of course, I threw out the “we have savings…” remark, as it is hard for me to receive and we really do still have some savings. But the offers have been so appreciated! Yesterday a man at church, that we don’t know very well, found out that Joel was laid off, within an hour he was at our house handing Joel an envelope. When he left Joel opened it and there was a letter from him and his wife expressing how they wanted to help us, enclosed was a check for a very generous amount of money, enough to pay our mortgage for a few months. Joel and I are in shock, of course naturally I thought we couldn’t accept it. Later in a conversation on the phone, we were getting advise as to what to do, it was pointed out the great amount of GOOD in people, the news can cloud our minds, especially right now, but there is so much good going on around us. As hard as it is for us to receive such a generous gift, especially from someone that doesn’t know us very well, it is truly a blessing and a humbling experience to witness so much selflessness and generosity. I can’t wait until that day when our table is turned and we can be on the other end.

Our family has seen miracles and I know we will see more, whether it’s Joel getting a job, or us being able to sell our home in this market or even the miracle of feeling peace and happiness during trying times. I know our little family is being watched over and through our trials we are becoming better people.